Searching
by Lord of Judgement
Summary: Her relationship with Gaius used to be simple and sometimes she wanted it to remain that way. Gaius/Musee. Musee's POV.


**Summary: **Her relationship with Gaius used to be simple and sometimes she wanted it to remain that way.

**Pairings**: Gaius/Musee.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Tales of Xillia_ world, story or characters.

**Author's Note: **A short complimentary piece to my G/M stories_._ Won't make much sense without their context. Musee's POV. :)

* * *

**SEARCHING**

Before that memorable day in Trigraph, when it was raining hard and she saw him standing under a shed, her relationship with Gaius seemed simple. Musee felt drawn to him ever since he offered her an alliance against Maxwell; he was as much strong as she was wretched and weak and yet he needed her. She did not know the feeling of being needed. She expressed her gratitude with a smile, with a gentle touch, with a playful glance, intuitively rather than by any conscious effort drawing his attention to herself. She wasn't trying to seduce him for it would imply she knew the consequences of such an act, yet she was curious – not always, but at times – how he would respond. It was simple gratitude; awkward, but sincere. As natural as the coming of dawn after a dark night; as ebb and flow.

And then everything became complicated.

At first, Musee was seized by fear. They lost and a part of her was happy they did – she found Milla and friends among the Great Spirits, she was offered a home. She no longer felt weak and wretched, but the other part with an irrational longing wished differently. She wanted him to need her and feared to have lost that opportunity. Sometimes she was even angry at herself for such thoughts, but her inner voice obstinately whispered and whispered the opposite. Finally it was the inner voice that convinced her to leave the Spirit Land and seek him out so as to offer him what he desired the most. Or what she mistakenly believed he desired most.

And then in Trigraph he kissed her.

She had seen humans kissing in passing therefore she understood the meaning of the gesture, but little did she know of how it would feel to be kissed by _him_. A sloppy meaningless act of joining lips suddenly gained a new meaning. Frightening, exciting, enticing meaning. For some time afterward Musee unconsciously touched her lip with her forefinger, trying to recall the sensation and wondering what he would do if she let him continue. Her inner voice was disappointed and angry in spite of her attempts to justify her own behavior. Her inner voice demanded she returned to Gaius at once, but she couldn't. What would she say? Her thoughts and feelings were in the state of utmost confusion.

'_You should go to him_,' insisted the culprit of her confusion in an insinuating manner; however, she knew that trouble befell her every time she gave in to its demands. '_You should explain him how you feel... No one likes to be rejected. Although he was patient and kind, don't think he always will be. He is the king of the whole world! __Do you know what that means? He doesn't have the time to chase after you._'

Musee sat atop the telegraph pole outside a small town, having propped her cheek with her palm, and thoughtlessly peered into the distance where dozens of similar posts blended into a straight line and disappeared in the sunset's dying glow.

"I can't," she shook her head, wistfully touching her lip. "He will certainly refuse to see me... And, no, I don't understand what it means to be the king of the whole world. It's scary to think of the responsibility which lies on his shoulders... and he doesn't have the time to see me, it is clear to me that he doesn't. I don't want to distract him too much..."

'_No, no, no, you mustn't give up so easily_,' her imaginary interlocutor stomped her foot. '_Think of an excuse to meet with him alone... Maybe you can bring him a gift._'

"I want to find him a gift, but I want it to be memorable. Something really special..." She clasped her hands. "I just don't know what he wants."

'_Then ask him to tell you how he became the king of all Ajur... If you understand more about him, then he won't confuse you so much... Then you will know if he cares about you._'

"He cares for me. And he isn't like anyone I've met before."

'_Of course, he isn't._'

"He is so dreamy and prim and stern... Maybe I should ask him about his past! Then I'll know how I can help him... I will surely ask him when we meet again!"

And, thinking so, she decided to return to Trigraph. After searching for him near the Central Station, Musee returned to the park and there, by one of the lampposts, she saw his tall broad-shouldered figure. Gaius was surrounded by a sparse crowd, conversing with a few people, and in sunlight he seemed to have an air of reverie about him. Suddenly she wanted naught more than to press herself to his chest and forget every worrisome thought. Instead, she waited in the crone of a branchy tree until the king parted with his interlocutors and only then approached him.

'_He is so handsome_,' said her inner voice.

"Musee, what do you think of people in Trigraph?" He asked, fixing his gaze on her face, and suddenly the world narrowed to the pair of violet eyes, bright, cold, bottomless. It took her breath away, but she managed to force a smile.

"I don't know... They dress differently, they speak differently, they live differently... They have many worries which people in Riese Maxia don't."

"I thought they seemed more fatalistic, more concerned with the end of everything. But they tell me many interesting nuances... They enjoy their freedom to travel and they don't even belong to the upper social stratum. It made me think that with time Ajur and Rashugal will change, but not now... No, I didn't say it right. Once annexed, both our worlds were inevitably bound to change."

Musee was glad he chose a topic for the conversation which delivered her from the necessity to explain herself. The explanation seemed silly whereas his words, his voice, his gestures were the very incarnation of reason; she loved listening to him. Therefore when Gaius invited her to his apartment later, after he had a drink with his new acquaintances, she was overjoyed, thinking that finally she received an opportunity to speak with him alone. It wasn't hard to coax him into telling her his story; perhaps, he only waited to be asked. It was a fascinating tale and her heart ached for him so many times for a reason and without any. There were parts in it she didn't understand, but she did not dare to interrupt him – his narration flowed smoothly and she didn't want him to lose a thought or even a whit of inspiration.

'_Ask him to kiss you_,' fretfully demanded her inner voice.

Musee didn't listen to it for as long as she could, but the temptation to offer him consolation was too strong, prompting her to act rashly and boldly. Yet again, he didn't need consolation; rather, she understood, she needed it herself for a mysterious reason and she sought it in his arms.

When finally, after many hours, he fell asleep in his bed, Musee was released from the grip of fascination, stirred up by his tale, and had the time to think of an incoherent contradicting jumble of feelings left in its wake. But greater so was her desire to express those feelings somehow although it wasn't yet possible to solve Ned Vedeel's mystery. It was snowing outside, the glittering curtain of snowflakes hanging in the stillness of night like a surreal fancy. It was _his_ city. She flew up towards the clouds, whirling, and then rushed towards the ground, befuddling a sentry who guarded the gate.

'_I wonder what he dreams of_,' she thought, landing by the wide road where a small, winding path diverged from it into the snowbound forest. There spruces grew in abundance, their branches hung with huge pine cones on which rime and icicles sparkled merrily. 'How pretty,' she whispered, breaking off a few of those long branches. They smelled of spruce sap. To the castle she returned with a whole armful of them and decorated his throne room with garlands and chaplets. Flowers she found in the kitchen, ribbons – in the maiden's room, spangles – in the attic of Presa's dwelling. While menials were sleeping, she searched around the castle as she pleased, easily avoiding attention of the guards.

Then she sneaked into his room. Gaius was sleeping the sleep of the just and for a while she stared at his serene face. She tried to imagine how he looked when he was younger, but found herself in a strange predicament – she couldn't imagine him as anyone but him.

"Sometimes I dream to be human only to remain by your side, Arst."

He didn't move. Musee slipped underneath the blanket, pressing herself to his warm shoulder, and imagined how she would feel had she been a human by his side although she didn't need rest. Her heartbeat quickened, her throat felt dry. So that's how... She gently pressed her lips to his cheek and closed her eyes.

Their relationship used to be very simple, but then it became complicated and she could not undo or unthink anything no matter how much she at times desired to.

'_Have you thought what he would say if he woke up and saw you?_' For once her inner voice displayed prudence.

Musee only smiled slyly.


End file.
